Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
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