I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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