I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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