got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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