i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
