I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
