he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
