Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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