And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I deserve this hangover.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize