And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
