I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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