You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
