I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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