just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
