A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
