I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
