sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
