Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
