separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
