I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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