guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
