Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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