Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
