never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
