we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
