"it" just moved
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
