One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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