Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
