so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Floor bacon is actually really good
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
