when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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