last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize