the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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