Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
