Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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