Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
