there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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