okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
