Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We are two peas in an std pod
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
