Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
