made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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