Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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