im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
