I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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