Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know her cup size but not her name....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
