i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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