what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found the puke drawer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
