But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
