I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
