I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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