I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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