Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My liver just broke up with me...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
