need another drink. this is the easiest way
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
