I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
