he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
