Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Soap is not a condiment
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
