This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pooping to opera.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
