Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize