it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
