New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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