so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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