Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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