Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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