she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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