I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
