Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
