I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
