i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
