yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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