It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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