I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
