he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
