I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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