There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
