I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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