Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dear god my vagina.
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